Taking the bitter out
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My conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit, that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. (Romans 9:1-2)
We all have bittersweet memories, those memories which were of good times but now due to life circumstances have a taint of bitter to them. This typically comes with the death of someone dear to us or a break in a relationship with another person, but it can also be a challenge to one’s own identity—a looking back at youthful dreams which now in later years of life will likely never be fulfilled.
“Struggles in life are inevitable, but destruction is optional.” (Dave Willis)[i]
For the memories to be good again, we must remove or let go of the bitter. And that involves taking it apart, as its origin will be multi-faceted. Knowing God is always with us, we try to accept that God was present with us in that circumstance and to allow Him to show us this. We know that we must long to see it from His perspective not ours. However, clutching to the pain of the bittersweet memory, we can only see it from within the eyes of that pain. This can lead to frustration and even acerbation of the pain. Recalling the importance of desire in prayer, and that even our desires must come from God first, then the first step to healing the bittersweet memories is to ask for the desire and ability to give up the bitter. This may seem obvious, but pain can be immobilizing and it can also be addicting—we are comfortable in the familiarity of our dysfunction.
“What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience the vessels of wrath made for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for the vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory?” (Romans 9:22-23)
These are precisely the type of desires God wishes to grant as they serve our sanctity, and that brings us closer to Him. These may not be fully healed straight away, however, if for our holiness we must first heal in other areas of our life. Clues of these ways can present themselves in undue sentimentality as well as the grasping for the past rather than moving onward into the future. We must unpack in prayer the nature of the relationship and our many reasons for grasping onto its memory. In some way, these past dreams are also the building blocks with which we built our own identity. To the extent of our honesty in these conversations with God, which includes confessing our own sinfulness, He will fill that space with Grace. Eventually, one not only is able to ask Him to take the bitter away from the memory but actually let go of it so He can.
Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in our hope of sharing the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5)
And what a surprise when we sit with Him in prayer holding that formerly-bitter sweet memory only to discover the memory holds sweetness of which we’ve never before experienced; the sweetness of pure Love. After all, God is Love, so what other perspective could He have?
To be forward looking, one realizes that, while they will never have the past again, they can understand in their heart how God intends to bring greater Glory out of the ‘bitter’, and even the process of this (although often painful) is uplifting.
Thus future-facing is facing Hope, God Himself. Backward-facing at bittersweet memories prevents us from enjoying this Hope, as we remain inward-focused. Perhaps, then, the secret to taking the bitter out of the memory is Hope. 😊
“In the pierced heart of the Crucified, God’s own heart is opened up; here we see who God is and what he is like. Heaven is no longer locked up. God has stepped out of his hiddenness”
In his various letters of instruction, St. Ignatius often states mass and confession will aid the situation. Let’s continue to pray for all of our clergy and religious throughout the world.
May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 15: 5-6)
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam 😊
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