The exchange

The Christmas season ends Sunday with the feast of our Lord’s baptism, and I am thankful our nativity scene remains on display until then. In years past, the shepherd boy has caught my attention, his eyes looking forward towards Jesus. This year it was the sheep that caught my attention. As I ponder him with the young lamb hanging across his shoulders, it is the lamb’s mother at the boy’s side I’ve noticed most. Head tilted towards the boy while looking upward, she has the most serene expression on her face and almost looks as if smiling. She seems consoled to both be with him as well as to have her babe carried by him. I wonder, am I at such trusting peace when handing my loved ones over to my Good Shepherd? 

I thought about how this boy brings one of his babes, the lamb, to offer. In return, Mary offers to him her Son, the Lamb of God. Exchanging a lamb for the Lamb of God is in no way an equal exchange in substance. We give the ones we love the most, and Mary gives the one she loves the most. It is the most lopsided exchange that could ever be made and yet this is how He and she wish it to be for us. He by His Divine Nature and Sacred Humanity, she held in perfect integrity by grace, demonstrate infinite generosity and self-giving. It is precisely because of the difficulty for us to be self-giving that our puny efforts are so graciously rewarded. 

If we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. In this is love brought to perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. (1 John 4:12, 16-18)

 So what lambs should I give to them? Which ones do I keep a tight grasp on, only offering these to Jesus and Mary superficially? When it comes to relationships, this is what a typical ‘offering’ might look like: 

• I have determined everything wrong with my spouse or child, everything they need ‘fixed’ whether it be physical, emotional, and/or spiritual health.
• I ruminate on this throughout the day and night in those moments when my mind is idle. And when not idle, this still hovers in the background, never leaving my consciousness.
• I pray a rosary for them to change. Or I sit in mental prayer asking for an answer on how to ‘fix’ them, change their thinking and ways, etc.
• Suddenly a solution comes to mind, one that will help me change them. Or it is given to me by someone I’ve confided in. Either way, I deem it to be God’s will.

In this common scenario, you can see it is focused on us taking action to orchestrate the desired outcome. The problem with this is that God isn’t going to direct us on how to fix or change others. And He won’t direct Mary, the saints, or angels either. He isn’t going to feed our need for control, fanning the fires of our underlying fears. Rather, He wants to change us and work powerfully through us to spread His love to others. This work in us is one of healing us so that we will be able to receive His love. Since love comes from Him alone, we must receive His love to give it to others. This is the only commandment He has given us, to love one another as He has (first) loved us (John 13:34-35). We are the change needed in our relationships. 

Most of us can think of a present or past relationship the weight of which crushed us due in part to our frantic attempts to control it. Reflecting back upon that shepherd boy with a small lamb on his shoulders, like that lamb our relationships too will grow in size, breadth and depth. We must grow strong to carry our part in each relationship, and that strength comes from Jesus alone. Otherwise, we will be too weak to even bring it to Him. Surrender your fear to Him, and then give Him your lamb. As Mother Cabrini said, love and God will take care of the rest. 

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam 😊

(Image by Tonya Kraakman from Unsplash)