The road behind us informs the journey ahead

The road behind us informs the journey ahead. We cannot become who we were created to be by suppressing or rejecting the past as it truly was. Jesus didn’t; He took His wounds to Heaven. The wounds of our soul are complicated, however, and difficult to face. 

This pain of the heart is in our affective memory. The memory of the Holy Spirit can perfect our memories of this pain, and this is the road to healing. The memory of pain shapes our intellectual comprehension of that pain. It shapes our understanding. When we let Jesus heal that memory, our comprehension of the event is more accurate because it is unencumbered by our pain of it.

“Care not for what concerns your own person, but stand up zealously for whatever touches God and honors Him”. (Ven. Mary Ward, p. 59)

Which brings us to thorns. Throughout our journey, we collect them. Yet like St. Paul, we are plagued by certain thorns that our Savior does not take away: why would God leave us with a thorn for all of our lives? We first see the thorn as a tempter, attempting to lure us into some aspect of self-centeredness such as self-indulgence, scruples, shame, etc. As we grow in relationship with God, we seek to be rid of all vice and inclinations that lead us from Him. We eventually have the desire and courage to tackle the ‘thorn’, seeing it as a barrier between us and God. In a manner, it is. And yet He has permitted it to remain. St. Paul says in his weakness he is strong because more of Christ’s power is in him (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). It isn’t just that Christ can better work through us because our weaknesses render us surrendered to His perfect will. He can also work more powerfully in us. It is true that, in a manner, thorns act as a symptom pointing to healing that is needed. But thorns also subdue us so we are available to be loved. Thorns remind us of our finiteness and weakness. The stoic within us now embraces the very vulnerability that it once feared. In this sense, when we grasp for grace, our thorn acts as the springboard to our very emancipation from it. There is never a point in our relationship with God that we will no longer need such springboards to grace.  It seems the thorn is always necessary even if the extent to which it is necessary is lessened as we grow in intimacy with Him.

“A tree, being still, birds come to it.” (A Bleddfa Saying)

It isn’t until we totally let go and give over to Him the very essence of our being that He removes certain thorns of suffering. Odd as it sounds, He permits it as His instrument to lead us to total freedom. 

The present moment may seem unchanging as hardships continue to present themselves, both in our life world and within our soul. Although we may recognize His small gifts to us in these times, some days it seems we barely have sufficient grace to embrace Him. By appreciating the gentleness and kindness of the Holy Spirit, He shows us our faulty ways, gives us the grace to live beyond our faults, and through it all we gain knowledge of Him and of ourselves. It informs our journey to come. Trust in Him. 

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam 😊

(Images: Thorny bush in the midst by Annie Spratt; Thorn in the eye by Hasan Almasi; African tree by George Stainton; all on Unsplash)