Your tiny gift

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Turbulent times are unsettling, and we bring this unsettled state into our prayer as well. This is when St. Ignatius of Loyola’s approach to prayer can be very helpful. In the Spiritual Exercises, he recommends placing ourselves into the Gospel scene with the help of our five senses.

 When meditating on the Word, remember to not think theologically. Ignore what you may have learned in bible studies, put out of your mind the moral teachings and any ‘voices’ of instruction (pastor, parents) you have had in the past. Scripture is the living Word and praying is to be focused on your relationship with Him. This is your conversation with Him and not about what others may have taught you to think or say.

 A meditation to try, taking it slowly:

 After this Jesus went to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberi-as.  And a multitude followed him, because they saw the signs which he did on those who were diseased. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a multitude was coming to him, Jesus said to Philip, “How are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?” This he said to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, “Two hundred denarii would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little.” One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to him, “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish; but what are they among so many?” Jesus said, “Make the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place; so the men sat down, in number about five thousand. Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, “Gather up the fragments left over, that nothing may be lost.” So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten. When the people saw the sign which he had done, they said, “This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world!” Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself. When evening came, his disciples went down to the sea. (John 6:1-16)

 In John’s Gospel 6:1-16, we are told about the feeding of the 5000. Set the scene: Place yourself in the shoes of the boy who had 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. The Gospel implies you are there alone; otherwise, it would be your father’s bread even if you carried it.  Why were you carrying this? Too much food for just a boy; it must be for the family. What led you to follow the crowd? Perhaps going home from the market, you caught up with the crowd to see what the hub-bub was about. Did you hear them talking about the signs Jesus had been working on the other side of the sea?

 Jesus, having compassion on the crowd (Mk 6:34) begins to teach His consoling truths. Young and spry, you are able to work your way through the crowd and up the hill. Stand and listen to Him, watching Him. Jesus doesn’t show compassion; He is compassion. He doesn’t show love; He is love itself. He doesn’t interpret truth; He is Truth. As He speaks, He looks at you.

 What is like to be looking at God looking at you?

One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to him, “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish; but what are they among so many?”

 In addition to the 5000 men were the women, children and servants who accompanied them. Historians estimate 10,000-15,000 people were there. Yet in this human sea of bodies on a hillside, Andrew noticed you. You responded to God’s presence in your midst, seeking Him. Andrew responded to His presence, noticing the seeker. 

• What am I feeling physically, emotionally and interiorly right now?
• What has caused discomfort? Perhaps the crowd; the distraction from duty; being noticed or being unnoticeable; fear of closeness to Jesus? (Let the Holy Spirit draw this out for you.)
• What has given me comfort? Is it the preaching of Jesus, the stories told of His miracles, the promise of change in my life? (Let the Holy Spirit bring you to the profundity of this moment.)

Jesus said, “Make the people sit down.”

 A short while later, Andrew approaches you and says the master wants your bread and fish. Meanwhile, the other apostles are asking everyone to sit down and wait. Slowly like an ocean wave, bodies recline until the entire crowd is sitting. It is the advent of the Passover. You should be at home with your family and they were possibly awaiting this bread and fish to begin their Passover meal. 

• What is the state of my own spirit? Excited anticipation, a freedom? Anxious unrest, a restriction?
• Do I give Andrew the bread? Or do I think this is foolish…there are too many people and this small amount cannot feed them, so why put it to waste?
• Barley loaves were the bread of the poor…do I keep it for myself and, looking around at the wealth of the others, expect them to give instead?
• Or perhaps I simply feel too small and unworthy for this? Too unimportant?

Sit on the ground and wait. According to Mark’s Gospel, people were grouped in 50’s (MK 6:40). Take in your environment: the smell of the fresh Spring air, the warmth of the late afternoon sun, the feel of the grass, the murmur of the voices around you.

And taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples to set before the people; and he divided the two fish among them all. (Mk 6:41)

All of sudden He speaks, and He has bread in His hands. Your bread, those small flat loaves of barley. It is your small gift that He has chosen to raise up to Heaven and call upon your Father God to bless. Your tiny gift, given to Jesus, has fed everyone.

 End the meditation and sit with Jesus in silence.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam 😊

P.S. after your prayer is an excellent time to give thanks for our worldwide Church, particularly asking special blessing upon Pope Francis and all clergy and religious. 😊