‘When he comes home from work, he checks in, then ‘checks out’ (porn, Internet, TV, marijuana/alcohol)’
‘She’s always clamoring at me…clinging to me…wanting something of me…wanting me to change’
Any psychotherapist or pastor worth his salt will tell you that in relational troubles, you must first stop thinking about how the other person must change. Every troubled relationship has two people dwelling on the other person.
We think of the saints as having such fortitude as if there is no disturbance in their mind or heart. They are invincible (we think), carrying on God’s will without doubts or fears. Yet their hearts, as our own, suffered. They were in the thick of the typical human experience even if their situations were untypical. They didn’t live up to the expectations that others had of them, were ridiculed by their peers and family, and had to interact with charity towards people who felt superior, manipulated, or sought their demise (and death!). Perhaps similarly, though not as dramatically, we too suffer.
Growing up in the stripped-down American church, we never learned about saints. So when the discussion came up recently, I could recall the thoughts that went through my own mind years ago when I was trying to understand why we pray to them. Back then, I didn’t see the point when all I needed to do was pray to God. But something interiorly would move me in me, and I knew that I was wrong on that…
In recent months, many families have suffered deaths of loved ones. Some were expected due to illness or old age; others shockingly unexpected due to young age or good health. This is compounded by the global Covid-19 pandemic which has left thousands of deaths in its midst.
Part of our mourning is for the future we will no longer share with them on earth. Part of our mourning is also for our past and present; the unspoken conversations we never had but needed to. Remorse for things said that should have been left unsaid. By having these honest conversations with God, grieving is one of the greatest opportunities to experience Divine Intimacy.
Endurance. In it for the long haul. Every one of us can recall a goal we worked towards that caused much discomfort in the process—athletic event, work project, college degree. How difficult it is, however, to do so with our spiritual life in everyday living, especially in times of desolation. Perhaps it is because we cannot wrap our mind around the goal…